Cartography Of A Relationship Almost Lost Poem by Amanda Saveley

Trying to pinpoint moments in time is like trying to graph the human psyche.
No matter how hard you try, it cannot be done.
Yet, we try to point out specific moments in history
Places where we though something went wrong,
Desperately trying to isolate it in order to avoid an encore
A reoccurrance of sorts

And yet, though I know this simple fact of life
It does not stop me from trying
Trying to figure out when phone conversations shortened in length
And the time spread farther between them
In an effort to compensate,
Just as we make a special effort to compensate on the occasions
That used to be an everyday thing
It's like changing the pattern of breathing, really.
What used to be natural enough to say
Is suddenly supposed to be implied
As if all the declarations at the beginning were meant to be stored like grain,
Waiting for a time when nourishment would be needed

But words aren't grain.
And time can't be marked
Conversations don't get longer the less they occur
They only dry up like a well in the hot desert heat of remorse and regret
No clouds pass by to replenish the source,
Only blazing fires of anger and redemption that further deplete the flow
That used to pass in currents from one being to the next
No longer moving,
But still

And silence haunts these halls,
Building thicker the wall of disconnected lines and things left unsaid
Creating a wall so high we cannot see over it
So solid we cannot break through it
And so steep we have no hope of climbing it
And our resolution to pretend it does not exist because we can't see it
Only enforces its strength,
Pushing against you
Pushing against me
Pushing us apart
Until that small well almost dried up,
Vastly expands into an ocean
One which neither you nor I can cross,
No matter how hard we try.