Bitterness Of Memories Of A Schizophrinic Suitor Poem by nadia abduljabbar

Today I was in I.M.C,
The first place he
Saw and got attracted
to me- after the mid of fifty,
Still men are attracted to me
The moment they see me;
Oh how I hate that,
For they know nothing
About my intellectuality.

The doctor exclaimed:
“Why is your sugar level
So high”?
“I was almost engaged-
Unkowingly- to and
with a schizophrinic
Guy”, replied I.

Though I said that laughingly,
Yet a lump of tears was
In my throat and heart,
But no tears fell
on my cheecks
Uptill now.

In the pharmacy
I was thinking of destiny,
They called my number,
I did not hear,
But I saw the number
After me. I went to them
Asking about the reason why
They did not call me,
The girl said but we did,
I apologized for I
Remembered my mind
Was so busy invistigating
Fate and destiny.

He was up to the level
Of most of the things
I look for in a man,
Yet he had a mental
Disorder that I tried
Through my spritual healers
To heal. And it was heald partly,
But the illness remained.

He continued on sending me
Pictures of killed people
And blood beside insults,
Together with love songs,
Plays, intellectual
Programs and Ballet.

I could not take it any-
More and stopped
To open what he sends;
I erased him totally
from my mind,
After giving many
Chances for a year.

What a destiny? ! My first
Man was schizophrinic,
But a wicked one.
This one is so good, but ill
And has no control
On himself.

I cannot sacrifice myself,
I could not ask
God or Allah: WHY,
For in the Qur’an
We read “HE IS NOT
TO BE ASKED ABOUT WHAT
HE DOES, but people
Are to be”,
The fifth pillar of faith
Is to accept good
And bad destiny and fate,
On my way back home
The clustered tears in
My throat and heart
Fell on my cheecks,
I said waw
And felt relieved.

Jeddah,15, Feb.2014