Aborted Lobotomy Poem by George Hunter

This Guy's wife made him go to a Shrink
Because he wouldn't get offa the drink.
Doc said, I know it has been a strain
But I want to lob off a piece of your brain
And I want to know what you think.

The procedure is simple with much to gain
I'll give you electroshock to ease your pain
And poke an icepick through your right eyesocket
And wiggle it around in your brain's front pocket.
And after that you won't feel frisky,
Just mope around and drink no more whisky.

Of course there is no real guarantee
That you won't end up a weird zom-bie
To himself:
(Sometimes it works, but do you know what's funny?
I don't give a shit as long as I get my money)

Guy says: Drink has nothing to do with my strain
It's that shrew of a wife that's causing me pain.
Just nag, nag, nag until I've lost all hope
And I can find no better way to cope
But I need to keep all of my brain.

I think that the very best course
Is to get a quickie Las Vegas divorce
‘Cause I'd rather have a free bottle infrontame
Anytime than a prefrontal lobotomy
So you can stick your knife up your orse.

So the Doc did as the Guy did declare
‘Cause his very own brain was down there.
Now he has to lie on his couch
‘Cause when he tries to sit down he says OUCH!
‘Cause he's missing his derrière.

So the Doc the Guy did outsmart
Now the Doctor can't even fart
And the Guy is now happy
And his life's not so crappy
And he drinks his booze by the quart!