A Prisoner Of Friendship Poem by Hafeni Nghidinua

I've loved you for the longest time
And it broke my heart when I found
That the romance I felt was mine
& your love for me was Philia
To lose me would be an inconvenience
So for you I became a prisoner

Lying became my vogue
I smiled behind bars of rage
My Jealousy and anger grew
As I watered them night and day

Does he hold you they way I would hold you
Does he kiss you with the passion that I would
Is he good in bed? I bet that I could do better.
Screams my green eyed monster
His charm is better his words are smoother
His demeanour more assertive
But I am more deserving
Of not just your love
But also your hand in marriage
Or am I?
Ensues my insecurities.

So I quietly smiled in pain
And watched you both be happy
While behind my bars of rage
My anger & jealousy flourished

One day my heart could take no more
My cup of rage was filled to the rim
I ran before the cup over flowed
I broke my chains & I was finally free.

I kept my distance
You felt inconvenienced
I was finally doing me
And I felt so free
I'm sorry if that hurt you

After a while his secrets were revealed
And you finally saw what I knew all along
You meant little to him, he was a fiend.
In my arms I had the comfort you sought
So you sought me out and to you I ran
And seeing your sorrow, I took advantage
I asked for your love and you sadly gave it
You were defeated and I was selfish

How was I any better than him?
And finally you came to your senses
I was loving, but I was not what you wanted
You broke my heart but the fault was mine
This was never meant to be, however hard I tried

I came to a cognisance
What we had was toxic
Whatwe needed was distance
I loved you, I earnestly did
& I wish you nothing but happiness
On whichever path you progress
I hope that you never feel lost
The path that I take will be different
And I hope that the two never cross