A Limerick Collection (21) Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

Orthodontists twist wires and braces
and have many unfortunate cases.
But I think they could try
not to twist but to tie
no more wires but cotton shoelaces.
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When a farmer named Alois Rink
who'd been hovering right on the brink,
had not gone to the loo
and was bursting with poo,
it fell out of him, boy did it stink.
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When a girl named Annamaria
saw a doc about her diarrhea
'If it hurts when you piss
then I know what it is,
it's the clap, also called gonorrhea.'
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When a girl who looked utterly sad
told the doc she was fast going mad,
that she'd picked up the clap
from the hot water tap.............
Penicillin for her and the lad.
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A professor named Timothy Lear
had no liking for whiskey or beer.
He kept up full employment
to finance his enjoyment.
As his stuff - LSD- was quite dear.
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In the land of the brave and the free
it's illegal, in public, to pee.
You can shit on the flag
or hang out with a fag,
don't forget to cross every 't'.
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A physician who worked at McGill
on a Monday, mid-morning, fell ill.
They discovered a lack
of the old IPECAC
for good measure they gave him a pill.
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There once was a husky named Rover
who had moved from Alaska to Dover.
When he swam in the Strait
he was taken as bait.
When the sharks wiped their lips it was over.
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When the Duke, also called Mussolini
saw a maiden in purple bikini
he went into the street
said 'so happy to meet,
let us make, you and me, some bambini.'
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And in Spandau there's Rudolph Hess,
playing checkers and saying 'God Bless',
he was Hitler's right man
and he carrried the can
room and board was ten million, no less.
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When the plane which was supersonic
reached top speed they were drinking Gin Tonic,
as they fell from the sky
it was whiskey and rye
for the ones on the ground - how ironic.
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When the shoe salesman looked up her dress,
he said 'Beautiful, I must confess,
I would love to climb higher
and eventually sire
little monsters with you for Lochness.'
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A Jack Russell was heard in the dark.
He would bark on the beach at a shark.
When he ventured too close
he was grabbed by the nose
in the end there was just one more bark.
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When a gangster named Al Capone
was walking in Brooklyn alone,
he was carrying heavy
when away from his Chevy
but he needed a mobile phone.
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They were having a time at the Ritz,
she was flashing, at bedtime, her tits.
When she looked at his sparrow
her green pupils got narrow...
'Oh, don't tell me, he is on the Fritz? '
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A young schizophrenic named Klein
was touring, by steamer, the Rhine.
When he saw his rflection
in the powder room section
he remarked 'that young lady is mine.'
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When after the movie he'd kissed her
he went home, in the morning he missed her.
But when he did pee
he could clearly see
an exotic and frightening blister.
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A lady of means from Madrid
caught the clap on the toilet lid,
though the chances are small
to catch something at all
'twas the mansion of Billy The Kid.
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'For a handful of shiny new quarters
you can stay here and drink holy waters.'
Said the nun at the door,
'and for fifty cents more
you can screw all my sons and my daughters.'
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A baby boy, recently born
had a growth on his forehead - a horn.
But the doctor remained
in his manner restrained
and he said 'I'll be back in the morn.'
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A donkey, who jealous of horses
was dreaming of heavenly forces.
But the Gods were not buying
though the donkey was crying,
he was left with his donkey resources.
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