there's a split inside of me
part of me wants to fight and kick and scream and throw you outside
but the winning majority seems to appreciate letting you come in and hide
...
...no...
we agreed this wouldn't happen
you touch me anyway
you touch yourself
...
I'm sorry dear...to disappoint you
...I'm sorry I didn't live
...I'm sorry
please know I love you
...
..it was better...
at least it felt like so...
for but a moment
in never present time
...
A moment of peace
a time of privacy
lapping up the luxury
thank you my Lord
...
I love you
no, I love the way I see around you
I love how I feel around you.
I love how I melt around you.
...
I thought this would get easier
I've only known you a while
not more than a nano second
in the grand scheme's hooray
...
Lord I don't know what to do
I'm torn every which way
each possibility has good reasons
each lending to a particular season
...
I love you Lord
You have done so much for me
Thank you Lord
from the depths of my soul
...
disarm you with a smile
let's you into
never leave you wild
let's you into me
...
for opening their hearts
eyes wide open
instead
seeing your love
...
silence & sanctitude
flourish in the depth of the soul
that you've fed & watered
and made pure
...
Like everyone else...I'm looking for my space, my light, my journey, my faith...my moment, my time, my hug, my grace. On Instagram @nataliesstory)
...Wanting
there's a split inside of me
part of me wants to fight and kick and scream and throw you outside
but the winning majority seems to appreciate letting you come in and hide
I don't understand anything that's happening
...and yet I know exactly what is going on.
"Show him my love", he says...
...but is that really you Lord...
...or just my own childish neglect longing for my head to have a pet
I keep giving him to you...
...imagining him in your hand...being taken behind your wings
...and then he's still here
...and things keep happening
...and I don't know where to land.
...does he even give two f&&cks about me
or is it that he knows, I'm something to keep...
...something worthy, valuable to be had
...so he holds me...
hugs me...
growls in my ear
watches me as I sleep
wolf in sheep's clothing,
should I fear?
I don't though...
for some assinine reason
there's this part of me that's just freakin' all in
I keep writing...I keep hoping
that these feelings can be taken away...
...trapped on the paper
...saving the day
But alas, no...
...for once this doesn't work
I keep writing about you
...and yet I am still a little hurt
...a little wondering
...a lot of wanting...
...you