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Randy Johnson Poems
Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride. She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
(This is a fictional poem) I soar through the air as I shoot webs from my hands. When people see me, they say there goes Spider-man.
A date with Pamela Anderson
I met Pamela Anderson and we went on a date. She was very becoming and everything went great. It was an honor to date this star. I made her forget about Tommy Lee and it wasn't hard.
When I was seven, I had 100 dogs and that was too many. My dad would cuss while my mama spanked my fanny.
The good samaritan
I got mugged and I was beaten, stabbed and left to die. I couldn't get any help from the people who walked by.
Last Christmas I went to Wal-mart to buy the last XBOX 360 they had. But a man grabbed it as I reached for it and that made me mad.
Symbol of love
A day of bad luck
All day long I've had bad luck. This morning I got on an elevator and it got stuck. I had a panic attack and thought I was going to die. I asked a man to put out his cigarette and he stuck it in my eye.
I built a living creature with every body part that I could find. I had no idea that I was giving him a psychopathic mind. He has a flat head, green skin and bolts in his neck. He escaped from my lab and he's on a violent trek.
Like the boy who cried wolf
My cousin was always broke. He'd get free meals at restaurants by pretending to choke.
You got my sister pregnant
You got my sister pregnant and refused to take responsibility. You told her it's her problem and now you have to deal with me.
One day a man came to my house with a seed. I decided to buy it because of my greed.
It's 4 A.M. and I haven't had any sleep all night. My wife and I had a big fight.
It's Christmas and my name Ebenezer Scrooge. I've been through a transformation that was huge. When it came to people, I was selfish and mean. I was so selfish that I lost the girl of my dreams.
(4 April 1928 - 28 May 2014)
(March 26, 1874 – January 29, 1963)
(10 December 1830 – 15 May 1886)
(26 April 1564 - 23 April 1616)
(12 July 1904 – 23 September 1973)
Edgar Allan Poe
(19 January 1809 - 7 October 1849)
(1 February 1902 – 22 May 1967)
(31 May 1819 - 26 March 1892)
(31 October 1795 – 23 February 1821)
Two years ago I ruined my life when I got a bride.
She's 6'4' tall and about ten feet wide.
She weighs 800 pounds and I married her when I was drunk.
She eats and eats and my bank account has significantly shrunk.
She rolled over on me in bed and broke fifteen of my bones.
I wish she'd pack her bags and leave me on my own.
She's mean, she has warts on her face and it's tearing me apart.
When we go out in public, she always farts.
When she passes gas, it's louder than TNT and it really stinks.
I should've listened to my parents when they told me never to drink.