Wonderin Poem by Rayjean Carter

Im wonderin. Just wonderin y im alive. Got this phsyco mom. Dont kno my dad. Y? just wonderin y. Y my grandma aint take me. y that dad of mine, wen he left me aint take me. y? y did i have to stay, with a lady, that dont got the ability to move. the will to believe, the confidence to survive. im livin witha pshycopath that dont kno the difference between a fire alarm and an alarm clock. i knew somthin was wrong the day i cud talk. the day i cud walk. i learned all i kno on my own. im alone in dis world of drama with no close family to go to. i label them peeps of mine friends wen they can't stick wit me till the end. I was wonderin y i get nervous around that guy who can't even say hi to me or stop by once in a while. I was wonderin y i cut myself every otha night wen i cud just take the knife and put it straight to my heart. i was wonderin y im chokin off her stank. so crazy she cant take a shower everyday. Im tired of wonderin y im bein Put down by these haters and stuck-ups who have nuffin to hate on. i shud b hatin on them. i was wonderin y they put me down wen im already down to the ground with low-self-esteem and no hope of tomorrow and wishes of no tomorrow. im wonderin y nobody seems to love me like i wanna love myself. im wonderin y i cant find the answer to those so called prayers of mine. im wonderin y there's a god wen he cant hear everyone's call. im wonderin y im here., in school with straight A's and good grades wen my life is a big fat E. I wish my life cud b betta but nobody gets wat they wish for nowadays. Im wonderin y im just findin out that nobody cares and aint nobody gonna care even wen im dead. Im wonderin y i dont get that hug i want wen i really need it. im wonderin y the pplz that i call my best friends cant be there throught the thick and thin. Im wonderin y the clock ticks, the birds sing, the day goes on, y the bell rings. The answer to everything is hidden and i dont want it to b found. I'll b disappointed and ready to go underground

P.S.: this isn't my usual 'poem writing grammar' but its how i felt i shud let it out.

P.S.S. I wrote this poem with cursing words...and thought that it would add to the meaning but ofcourse, i had to take them out.