Why Did You Have To Show Me That Side? Poem by Lily Espinosa

Before you begin to read this, it is not so much a poem but jumbled thoughts on a page.


You scared me tonight.
Something you've never done before.
I laughed it off, because that’s what I do.
What lengths would you go to? What lines would you cross?
At what point would you raise your fist?
If you had just let me say, given me a chance, I would have told you I found it revolting.
But you kept at your rant, a continuous drum of words, pounding in my head.
You left me no me no door to climb through, no porthole for an escape,
no way to tell you that I
Don't
Want
To do it
Again.
We snailed along the never ending road,
With only our footsteps to keep us company.
You say a few words,
Here and there, many of them I don't hear,
I'm drowning in my thoughts,
Oblivious to your explanations, nothing settles in,
Except;
'I hid from things when I was a child and I won't do that again'
Something along those lines.
I understand what this means,
You've thrown the dagger into my heart.
And I bleed.
Tonight I've disgusted you,
Made you hate me,
Made you lose respect for me.
So it seems its too late, the water has been thrown and now I'm melting.
If only there was an opportunity, a chance to say I'm sorry.
I didn't want you to see it, I had no intentions of doing it again and never did, but you wouldn't listen.

Tonight instead of listening,
You scared me,
You showed me a piece of him.
I wanted to run, I wanted to scream,
But you would have followed, drowned my pleas.
Why did I have to see that,
How things go when they're not on your terms.

Why am I left questioning,
How long it is before I become the handy object,
That you lash out at.