Who Slashed My Bike Tire? Wanna Stay For Dinner? Poem by Jena Crowe

My ten speed is now a four speed.
I always wanted it to pipe down, so thank you
to whoever decided it needed to shut up.
I want to congratulate your swiss army knife
by making you the best tuna casserole
this side of Hamburger Helper. It really is amazing.
I get the white albacore tuna in water- not that superficial,
cheap, 'look at me I'm packed in oil! ' kind...
does anyone even read the label on those cans?
I bet if they did their knickers would drop
and a cop would have to fill out a report.
I've seen it. I was a witness once.
I even asked the gal before she picked up the can
'Are you wearing a belt? '
She rolled her eyes at me, which means she was
meant to buy that Starkist muck.
Then it happened...and she turned so red, I had to
squirt ketchup EVERYWHERE around her just to make
it look like an accident.
That only ticked her off. She called the cops on me.
But they filled out the report on her,
because she was the one standing with her pants down
with ketchup all over the place, holding a can
of oily tuna.

So....
who's the psycho now?

Anyways
if you come over around 6'ish
I could have dinner ready by 5.
It's better lukewarm... trust me.
It's more honest when it tastes like
it's been sitting out since Labor Day.

Oh!
Bring your pocket knife. I want to meet
that incredible indefectible object.
Maybe get a picture with the two of us?


Love,
A beholden Crowe