Where Are You? Poem by Natasha Edwards

They said you died
I carried your coffin
I dried our parents tears
but now I feel lost deep within this grief stricken cavern
Everything I have worked for and longed for has slipped from my grip
Your smiling picture hangs on my wall
I can't bring myself to delet you number from my phone
Is that weird
I see your face in the crowd
I go to raise my hand to wave
but it wont go any higher than my heart
my heart is so heavy
will the pain go
My life hurts without you in it, I wish I could stop this screaming
in my head, deep from within I scream
I am sorry
I wasn't there to stop it
to wake you
My heart may beat
and my lungs may fill with air
I can laugh with my kids
but I will cry forever in the dark of the night when everyone else sleeps
I will cradle my knees to my chest
And call out your name
and no-one will know
How much I truly miss you
My beautiful laughing brother.