Unspoken Regret Poem by Jill Ferrey

Unspoken regret


I awoke this morning, once againt the nagging though is there
berating me for not at least reporting this
telling the world of this excuse for a mans indiscretions
leaving him vulnerable at least to the worlds brutal inspections

but alas, as is the case with many of us
i kept quiet, i said nothing,
How many could i have saved from the same soul destroying fate?
Why did i wait, why have i kept silent, for now it is to late!

The tears and anguish of others, are now on my head
how many i still to this day will never know
but should our paths cross, it will immediatley show
for it will be present in the depths of their eyes

the pain, the anger, the hurt, the crippling shame
this that was not meant to be theirs to carry
has become their burden, because i could not testify
i could not, put myself out there, and put an end to his beastly deeds

Then, frozen in fear, in the moment, the dark, the cold locked room
my heart beating faster and faster in fear and horror
ssshhhh my mind said, he will hear it and know your fear
he will revel in this that he is envoking, to me this was all to clear

yet in a haze it occoured, this heinous, dignity stripping act, so sadistic
Yet i said nothing, did i not want to be another, paper written statistic?
I did not want to face the prying eyes, the judging hearts, that constant question, WHY?
I did not want to explain, for i already knew whom was to blame

How could you not have done more to stop him
my mind screams this in the early hours of the morning
that time when everything else is quiet, at peace
yet my thoughts are clearly heard, needing to find their painful release!

To those of you who came after me
please know i am sorry, one simple word
an apology to late in its utterance, meaningless in it's present context
but i need to say it, yet i know now it makes absolutely no sense

today i once again found myself in that dark, cold locked up room
the fear still throttling my courage, the anguish still sapping my strength
yet i have kept quiet, i said nothing, this thought still is one to loom
and now your tears and pain, are now my burden to bear

A high price to pay for self preservation