A Time And A Place? Poem by Jill Ferrey

Is this the beginning of the end?
The way life has lately forced me to buckle and bend
blown aorund by the winds of fate and destiny
my soul left bent and buckled by the rains of despair

i claw my way through this thing called life
lead astray, by the storms of pain and strife
i hang on as each day starts anew
my grip on reality slipping little by little each passing day

my soul is torn and corrupted by thoughts of pain
my heart is blackened and shadowed with disdain
for all that surrounds me, i am lost, so lost
find me please i plead, before its to late for me to find my way back

i sit once again with the darkness of night as my only friend
thoughts, contemplations of assisting with my own demise
to bring about solace from pain. the thundering hear stopping end
but wait, a voice inside me beckons, begging me to realize

who and what will be left behind, if i give in
yes there is much release sort and found in oblivion
however those that will remain behind will be left desolate
without any understanding as to why and how

i now seek solace and vindication in my only ally
this ally a deep seated, all consuming fire of anger
once i allow this feeling to consume and burn
i am delusional left with somewhere to turn

a substitute for companionship, a wayward so called friend
yet this to leaves me in an all to bitter hurry
leaving me fearful and once again to scurry
attempting to find my way back, to sanity, to reality.

I am left, alone, behind self built walls of experience
a stupidly built inner and outer defense against all who know me
and those new souls who reach out to mine, only to find no answer
how did i get to this point, where i shut away everything

where i am silent, yet outwardly i am happy, my mask firmly in place
a smile for him, a hug of encouragement for her
i am at the end of the day, living nothing but a lie.
And hurting myself in the process, yet i know no other way

having lived my life the way for way to long
i have convinced myself, falsely that i am strong
this may be the case, yes i am up to a point.
But when, life overwhelms and pain threatens to overtake

I beseech all that will listen, hear my cry
for within i am surely to lose myself, my soul will slowly die
this is a hard realized plea for help and solace
for i can no longer afford to live in this self created desolate silence.