Unconditional Love And Loss Poem by Tracy Craighead

She was always eager to please, her every breath grasping for praise
when angry faces turned her way, she secretly died and started to drown
Growing down, while growing up…..perfect is a place so hard to be
'just don't disappoint them, make them happy'
Don't say 'No', never protect me.
People will talk, tell their tales, rewrite history.
Their stories, though make-believe, will define my destiny.
If I could do what they want and meet their every need
No one will ever dislike or be mad at me.
It's just so hard to let so much go, to become the image
to live the story…. still so many displeased.
What else can I do? When can I be set free?
Who am I? I have no idea, I left me in a dark room
as a child, almost a teen, but never a woman.
I lost her, in a few moments of terror and tears,
And always questions.
What did I do? Was I wrong?
How I wish I could have been strong!
I was never taught to fight
to defend myself.
'Me' was never a priority
So quiet I did stay and let others lead the way
very careful to fit into a story
crafted by others but never a truth,
an illusion created to fit into the mold
to play the part, to do as I'm told.
Never to crack, never to break
carefully conceal my soul.

As years pass, so does the need to please
No matter how hard I tried, It was never enough
You were never very 'proud' of me.
You don't even know me!
How can you really connect
when I am not 'me'
I never trusted enough to open up
I never felt safe, never felt that unconditional love
the kind of love that I want to convey
upon my children, upon my spouse.
To wear a banner that will loudly say,
'I love you my darlings, in all things,
in every possible way, and I will never stop
no matter what you do because I don't love
an image, I love you! '