To Search One's Heart Is Not An Easy Task. Poem by Glen Martin Fitch

Gerard Manley Hopkin's letter to his parents October 20,1866
regarding his conversion to Catholicism.

'About communicating you are also mistaken...
Strictly I owed no duty whatever to the Church of England
but I did pay a provisional loyalty
until you induced me to give them up...
I could not otherwise have obeyed you...
I of course thought only of the way
which I believed would give you the least pain:
indeed if you can think I did otherwise
it would be useless of me to assure you of it...
And even for me it is almost a matter of necessity,
for every new letter breaks me down afresh,
and this could not go on.

Your letters, which show the utmost fondness,
suppose none on my part
and the more you think me hard and cold
and that I repel and throw you off,
the more I am helpless not to write as if it were true.
In this way I have no relief.
You might believe that I suffer too.
I am your very loving son,

Gerard M. Hopkins'