Thoughts Poem by Shaniqua McCrae

The illusion from this pharmacutical
had me delusional and i found it hard to manuevar
secluded from critisism i came to the conclusion
that i was tryin to persue a new future
though in this state of mind i could only think about my past
i could only think about how good times leave so quickly
and hard times always seem to last
so i took drastic actions for my own satisfaction
to see if i could overcome this distraction with new tactics
and my need for change seemed so passionate
yet the truth in my words seem so far away
i knew that procrastination would lead me to stay in the state im currently in
so imagination is irrelevant and my dreams fall on def ears
and through out the duration of my years
i have come about many fears and let pain out with many tears
but with a forgotten past and a hazy present i wanted my future to be clear
but how could i reach that when my mind is blazed
it was crazy how hard i was tryin not to let this faze me
but i had already allowed this drug to enslave me
and i am confined in my mind and tangled in my own discussion
and i am disgusted with the low i have come to
with each high i get closer to the top of the bottom
and i cant get enough of these problems
and the more i sink the harder it gets to solve em
so i parish in these thoughts that i spit
and rebel with the various sins i commit
enhaling this smoke filled failure
breaking it down and rolling it ever so careful
anticipating this feeling again and again
is it a stress reliever or am i addicted to a trend
flying higher then ever no fuel and no pilots
my spoken word excluded from silence
My thoughts go unheard.