Theory Of Relativity According To Stan Poem by Stanley Cooper

My theory I now relate
Evolved when I was seven, or eight
Simply put, the rate of speed my head would spin
Was in direct proportion to the amount of kin
Whose visits made for sullied Sundays
While I pined away for the coming Mondays

My head patted, my pinched cheeks fingered
The theory formed as time just lingered
My privacy would inevitably shrink
As my time and space went out of sync
My aunts and uncles had the knack
Of putting my universe out of whack


Overwhelmed by all their antics
The earth stood still and caused my frantics
When all converged into my room
I felt with certainty impending doom
Never ever would the earth return
To its axis spinning, I was much concerned

Theories come and theories go
But my theory had me worried so
If my theory stayed true to form
Could my time and space return to norm?
Einstein’s theory of time and space
Still remains very much in place

Professor Einstein, I meant no disrespect
But their visits made me circumspect
I know your work will forever last
While mine remains lost in the past
Now all grown-up, it’s all out-dated
My theory was relatively over-stated