The Phantom’s Requiem Poem by Charlie F. Kane

I look back and I think,
Is this what I wanted to be?
I lay back and I think
About the life that I remember.

I hid my face away.
I was told that none would care to look upon it.
I tired for a time to pretend that it did not matter,
But masks can only stay up for so long.
Instead my heart was breaking,
The smiles I was faking,
Just to fade the tears away.

When I was young I tried to fit in.
But the way the others treated me
Was enough to make me feel like
I wanted to just hide away.
When I was young that made me feel appearance
Was, oh so, important,
And they did not change as they got older.

I tried to escape by writing,
And, I suppose, it’s the only way I could.
That brief moment when your life does not seem as important
As those that are played out before you on the page.

The music gave relief.
The more I learnt the more I developed.
With each new song I would become enveloped,
Praising the arrangement or the playing,
Or the singing, or, most importantly, the words.
It gave me something to aspire to.
That if I could write so well,
People would see the truth of me,
Not just some caricature.
I once imagined myself as the singer,
Although I would never admit it to others,
But I imagined the accolades and the attention I would receive.

Above all,
Above everything,
I wanted her to take notice of me,
I wanted her to love me as I loved her.
I loved her.
I loved her so I wanted her to be a success.
I wanted her to receive all the attention I could not,
I wanted her to speak the words that were on the pages I had written.

But it was never going to be.
She could not see beyond the mask,
I could not even dare to open my lips
To repeat the words I had written for her.
I could not dare to tell her how I feel.
The mask pulled me back.
I could only dream of been without it.

As I lay back and I think,
Of the life that has gone behind me,
I can only sit and think and dream.
Otherwise I face only loneliness and regret.