The First Five Days Of February Poem by Jesse Statman

1:
i'm listening to a song
the singing is extremely emotional,
but the instrumentation is completely electronic
the instruments are not being played by an actual person

it reaches a point where the vocals stop
the instruments keep going on, at the same tempo
the singer comes on
if we saw the singer, his face would be pale beyond recognition
that's how dry and cold the sound of his voice is
there is no tone to his voice

the song ends
i want to hear it again

i walk out into the city
it was a pale day
bleak, cold, wintery
i think about the song
what a moving song

i enter a diner
i recognize everyone in the diner
like i know all of them

but i don't
i've just seen them in different places
suddenly, i get the strangest feeling

i want to be them
every one of them
i want to invade their lives

and see how they experience the world
in ways that cannot be described in words
and i realize,
that's exactly what the singer would've wanted

2:
the television
the woman in the white dress
it's bright out
the wind blows softly across the room
she is entering another phase in her life

she goes to the beach
and walks
the breeze
her hair, blown back
it's bright out

everyone is dying around her
but what is she doing?
she lives alone
nothing is really happening

but don't worry
this is just a phase in her life
she got out of brooklyn
moved to the middle of nowhere

she likes it there
because nothing is really happening
she goes back to her home

the television
the breeze
she watches a cooking show
someone is cooking lobster
she turns off the television

she finds a cut on herself
that she didn't know was there
a scar or a harbinger
she goes out to dinner
lobster

she looks out the window of the restaurant
she is eating alone
there are people everywhere
the restaurant reminds her of home
she could stay in the restaurant all night
watch the people come and go

and none of them would know just how beautiful it is
tonight
she walks home
she takes a path down a road she's never taken before
it's dark
she can hear the crickets
she reaches her house

that's it
done
she goes to sleep
when she wakes up, she has a visitor
the television is on

it's her cousin from france
he flew in just that night
he came with news about the death of a relative
and she knew
he wouldn't stay long

3:
always breathing
always out and about

he eats at the diner
he knows all the diners
his friends know he knows all the diners
but not in an intimidating way
he just knows them

he listens to music
he knows what kind of music he likes
music that reflects his personality

always breathing
always out and about

he goes to the movies
he likes action movies
and he dissects them
he buys all the merchandise
but what matters most to him is the actual film
that's the way he lives his life

always breathing
always out and about

one day, he met a girl
through a mutual acquaintance
she came from the south
he said he knew a lot about the south
he didn't, of course

they walked on, into the city
it was cold out, and early in the evening
he talked to her, she talked to him
and they walked into another part of town
where other people slowly faded away
and music floated down the streets

the night had begun
they ran into people they knew
they knew similar people
but they were so different from each other
but in some ways, they were exactly the same

always breathing
always out and about

the sky faded to black
they talked about things that seemed somehow connected
they were in the park, in the grass

'where do you go when you die? '
'i don't know. i don't think i'll ever know.'
'well, won't you know when you die? '
'when you die, there's nothing left of you. you don't know anything.'

the sun slowly came up
they were still talking
and then, they stopped

'how did this happen, exactly? '
'i'm not sure'
'does it matter? '
no answer

that morning, when he got back home, his parents had a guest over
a man from outside the city, they didn't know where
it didn't matter

he had a story to tell
about the death of a loved one
everything fades away

but no one had to think about this now
it was morning
breakfast was on the table
and the guest had brought a gift for the family

a bumper sticker
which read
always breathing
always out and about
so that was what they would be

always breathing
always out and about

4:
their brooklyn apartment was filled with greenery
and the ceilings were tall
she wanted it that way

though of course, the ceilings would never be tall enough for her
but that didn't stop her from finding the tallest ceilings possible
she was an only child, and spent most of her time on the computer
researching scientific facts

she didn't know what to do with her life
but she did
she wanted to be an astronomer
and an astronaut
and a role model to her generation

she spent most of the summer going on long trips out into nowhere
with her parents
she liked riding in a car at night down the highway
she liked trying to sleep, but trying to stay awake at the same time
and thinking about how someone actually had to drive that car
nonstop

just so someone else could lie half-asleep in the back seat
while the car rolled on into the darkness of the interstate
they would set up camp in the middle of nowhere, and track down
bizarre occurrences in the sky

they weren't exactly sure what they were doing
but they had the most amazing adventures
driving at night on the highway

in search of a place to eat, or a UFO
and they would drive down that highway
all night
nonstop

one time, she brought a friend with her
someone she met at school
she had a good time, but she wouldn't do it again
he just wasn't as interested in it as her

but she was glad she let someone else into her world
and learned some things about them
she would tell him stories about all the things she'd done on the road
he would tell her about his life
she didn't really listen
she was too busy staring at him
she didn't know why

after a long trip, they parted ways
they reached manhattan, and he took a cab home
they never saw each other again

after he left, she pieced something together about the whole trip
she figured out why she'd been staring at him the whole time
and she realized, she could never let herself become attached to anyone
ever again

and when she got home, her parents went out for a long walk in the rain
she stayed home
and as soon as they left, she burst into tears

she cried for hours
and when she finished, she realized

she could deal with it
she would just have to be the same way she always was
there was nothing wrong with that

and she knew that soon
her parents would return from the long walk in the rain
and when they did
they would invite her to come out into the rain with them
and watch the sun as it set

5:
she likes the soup
every day, she goes to the diner, and orders the same thing
split pea soup

she liked to draw pictures of people in the diner
but she didn't draw very realistically
she drew what she called 'the essence' of a person

her drawings never really went anywhere
but in her mind, they went everywhere
even though she only drew in this diner

and when she went to the park, she would write
poetry, but not really poetry
she called it that, but each poem was more like a speech

a speech, written as if standing above the entire park
(when she was actually sitting)
and speaking to the underrepresented parts of the park

the grass
the leaves
the wind
the memories people keep after spending their life next to the park

'and i know squirrels are running out of acorns...'
'and the trees are getting old...'
'but we know, these hard times in our ecosystem will pass...'
'and a new generation, a younger generation of acorns and trees...'
'will come about, and it is our job to nurture and protect...'
'that generation. thank you.'
(applause)

no one ever saw these poems
she kept them all in one big notebook, which she'd kept since she was ten
every year, she wrote about fifty of them
but there was always room for more

one day, she went to the diner after writing one of her best poems
she was proud of her work
there was a film crew in the diner, interviewing people
with big cameras

she'd never seen cameras this big
she quickly made a sketch of the cameramen
in the sketch, the cameramen sort of blended in with their cameras
and they looked more like monsters, or dinosaurs, than humans

this was exactly what she wanted
she didn't mean to be rude, or anything
this was just how they looked to her

suddenly, one of them came up to her
and said,

'hi, we're doing a documentary, and we'd like to ask you some questions...'
'is that OK? '

she nodded
'if you could be doing one thing, right now, what would it be? '
a pause
she thought about it
'take your time...'

what did she want to do most of all?
she'd never thought about such a thing...
but now she had to, and she realized...

'i'd be where i am right now, eating this soup'
'and would anything be different? at all? '
'as a matter of fact...'

she put on a pair of aviator sunglasses
'...the light in here, it's too bright. and i like these sunglasses.'
'well, i guess that's it. you like the sunglasses, and you like the soup.'
'yes, i forgot to mention, the soup here is very good...'

(2.1.10 - 2.5.10, Brooklyn, NY)