The End Poem by Jesse Statman

1:
i walked around, and saw
a large open air market
i saw two young women cooking funnel cakes
i saw a younger woman catching frogs in a little pool to the side
i saw an old man advertising a war i'd never heard of, and thought

'i can relate to him'
because i have no ideas, for anything
even though i see ideas all around me
i walk outside of my house
i've lived there forever, so on a map, it would be
a circle in the middle

and i would walk a few blocks from there
and all this inspiration would come over me
it would be the middle of the evening
the sun would be setting
light and colors and flames would just dance
everywhere

and if i walked a few more blocks from there
it would be like a desert
but with people, and cement, and buildings
and i would see even more ideas
for how to live
for how to write
for how to create

and i would walk further
it would be later at night
there would be late night sounds
like the kind you'd hear on a pond
except in the form of sirens, and screams, and laughter

and i would see everything
but only the things that mattered
i would walk into the other parts of town
and ride the trains north of the city

and out the window, i would see
the trees quickly go by
and the violet sky

the violet would fade
and i would see
nothing

but the crescent moon
and i would fly up into the moon
and look back to see daytime

and all the daytime things going on
people waking up, in daytime houses
drinking coffee, half-asleep
walking on cement
walking on sand
diners
restaurants, opening up

that restaurant you used to take all your friends to
wherever they were coming from
when all the strangest things would happen
you go in there
and you order the usual
everyone knows
that's what you always order
but no one knows what it is

you read a poem you wrote when you were younger
it's unimportant
time is passing
and now it's so important

i'll start out at my house again
the same as it always was
and i have no ideas
but i just woke up
and i was just away from home
for so long
i saw absolutely nothing
courtyards
rooms
ceilings
that's
it

i would walk downstairs
and listen to some sort of heavy metal
that i had learned about
i would walk while dancing very mildly
because this was one of those metal songs
that you actually danced to

i would pour myself a cup of coffee
i would sit down
and everything would be fine

2:
i met someone the other night
he was inside myself, and waiting to come out
it was dark out, and the darkness surrounded me
i turned on the light, and that was when i saw him
he read me a fortune
he said that i would commit myself to too much
and that i would stand too far away from those i cared about
i told him i wanted to hear more, and he said
'there is more. but for now, you can't hear it.'

i walked to the beach
at coney island
it was late
again
there's only so much time in the day

i was looking for that side of myself
i kept walking around, waiting
he was nowhere to be found
i got a call from a girl i knew
she was right next to me
it was one of those things that's supposed to make you think
that you're on the phone with someone
but they're actually right there

i hadn't seen her in awhile
we talked
we listened to rock music
it was heavier rock music, and there were a lot of solos
the solos were all very bluesy, and the vocals were very distorted
the drumming was mediocre
'do you know the drummer's name? '
she asked, with a grin on her face
'no'
she laughed
'what? '
'i don't know either...but i heard about this great drummer...'
she was cryptic that day
'...he plays in that club...often...'
she laughed
'what club? '
there was no club
'i don't know...i was just making it up'
she laughed so hard that she started punching me

i took the train home
i looked out the window the whole time
there was so much out there
people with ideas
people with stories
and the lights were awe-inspiring
at that time of night

3:
i saw my friend last night
he was eating dinner
i sort of, just, walked in
his dinner looked really bad
it was pizza, but some sort of fake deep dish

'try some'
he said
i did
it was great
because it meant something to me

'what's new? '
he asked
i told him about the other side of myself
and what he had told me
and the girl at coney island

he wondered if she looked good in a bathing suit
i told him she wasn't wearing one
'did you go skinny dipping? '
'that's not what i meant'
'oh'

i walked into the basement
my friend told me to
but there was nothing interesting there
he thought there was
there was nothing interesting there
really

i went home
it was really late
the night was uneventful
people always say that
but this time it was true

at home, i got a call from my friend who i had just seen
he wanted to know about my schedule for the future
i could sort of tell he was crying
but i mainly figured this because he was being so vague

i said i had no schedule, and he could call me whenever he wanted
he said okay, but not in his voice
i hung up
and then i realized, it was the voice of the other side of myself
maybe this meant something
i had to think back to what the other side had said

4:
me and my family were driving in a car
late at night
on a road through the woods next to an ocean

we were going to watch a rocket ship take off
we took pictures along the way
we saw a lot of interesting things along the way
we even met some people
they were all very friendly, and in the middle of something

we got out of the car
the rocket ship was about to take off
we walked down a series of gardens and pathways
we reached the stadium everyone was watching from
'did we miss it? '
'no. we never miss it.'

we got seats in the stadium
some people were standing
some people were walking around looking for a place to rest
some people were walking into the field, towards the rocket ship

they must've been crazy
we stared into the field
the rocket ship got ready
everyone screamed

remembering the diner
remembering those restaurants
coney island
walking
running
dancing
coffee

an old man got up to the rocket ship
he had been walking for what seemed like forever
he moved his arm
almost as if to swing it from all the way back
and lightly touched the rocket ship
the moment it went up into the clouds

remembering our lives
remembering all the little things
the ship went into the clouds
further and further from us

and then, suddenly
it came back

and it was coming so fast
that no one could even recognize its shape
it looked like a monster
all the colors of it had turned to black
like some sort of ink had splattered all over it

and suddenly
i saw that other side of myself
it was standing in the middle of the field
right where the rocket ship had taken off from
and everyone stared
everyone could see it

and it said what it hadn't told me before
what it said it was going to tell me
'one more thing...you won't be able to control any of this'
'so enjoy it all while you can'

it disappeared
the rocket ship fell right into the middle of the field
and it let off a fiery explosion
the biggest anyone had ever seen
and everyone was in that stadium
the whole world, it seemed

and soon, i would be home
but right now
right now i had to deal with this
no more drummers
basements
pizzas
diners, whatever

and i saw a picture of the world
like i used to have on my wall
maybe it was still there
and i knew
it was done
and i couldn't control any of it

even though i knew how to solve it
that didn't matter
it was done
so i screamed
everyone screamed
that was the best we could do

and so,
after diners
after restaurants
after coffee
after coney island
this was what we became

the moment before
we became something else

(6.7.10, Brooklyn, NY)