Staring, Still, Staring Poem by Newo Enec

staring at the clock
why won't time move faster for me
why won't seconds rush by, hours fade in and out of focus
why can't I recognize the desire to live on my own
why can't I break these chains of dependance
I'm using my unhealthy obsession with you
as a crutch, yet at the same time
as a sickly sweet poison to drown my fear of being alone
just like I knew with you so close to me
that no sooner would you leave me all alone again
just like I realized when you looked at me
that in your eyes I was an easy target, a cheap f-
after your other options had left you
after knowing how f-ing easy it would be to crush me
after learning the same damn thing
and re-learning only to fail again
why won't I just grow up
why can't I understand how well I hurt myself
why do you kill me so sensuously
why do you kill me so unknowingly
why am I drawing this blood in razor blade trails
and in my final thoughts
why won't I stop
why won't the pain burn my body from the inside out
why am I ending like this
why will I lie here till the end
still in a casket of blood and tears
staring at the clock