Saudade Poem by KayyAnn Page

There's not a day that goes by that I don't hear your name in words that don't even sound close. I know this book is closing but, you didn't even finish reading the poetry I wrote...for you, it's true, it's hard letting go. Especially when you'd finally found the one that eases your soul. And I promise i'll try not to be heavy handed when I pour. I know I've been here before. I know for me you wanted more but, all I wanted to know was that this door would remain closed instead of being filled with this wistful hope. This hope that you left me with... I know I need to let go. I can feel this rope called love cutting into my skin but, I still feel the need to hold on. I know you see me struggling, I know you hear me crying, I know you still feel love within but, I also feel you enjoy seeing me dying.

I know I need to let go, I guess I'm destroying myself by choice at least, this is what I've heard a thousand times before. I wonder if they know I've watched the sun come up every morning for the past couple of months. I wonder if they know what it's like to have insomnia almost all of your life. I wonder if your friends know not too long ago you was here telling me all of your dreams and confessing all of your fears, I wonder if she knows... I didn't know anything. I didn't know this man I called my best friend would tear every wall down brick by brick just to leave me standing here in this ruin. I didn't know this man I loved would leave me filled with so much hate but, not towards him... sometimes I'm afraid this love I have will never end. As much as I wish, as much as I want to, as much as I try, I can not let this go. I can't even throw out your things because the nostalgic feeling reminds me that there actually was a time where I smiled without reason, a time I can say I was truly happy. They remind me of all the times I went to sleep and woke up to your face, they remind me that you actually was here and that I'm not insane.