Reasons For My Depression Poem by Shalom Freedman

REASONS FOR MY DEPRESSION

I know this weight this inertia
I know this sense of being drawn down
I know this feeling that nothing can be done
That I can do nothing
I know this sense of threat
A war might come and the enemy missiles make our cities burn
My loved ones might be in danger
I know this fear of being abandoned
Of our people facing another disaster
Wandering in homelessness
I know this feeling of being able to go nowhere
I know this feeling of never being able to get out of it
I know the tiredness and the indifference
I know my sense that I have wasted my life and work is not worth anything
The taxman is coming
The money is running out
There are more unanticipated expenses
When I just do not have it
I have already spent more this month than I should have
My clothes are old and worn
So much about me is so shabby
I do not like other parents and grandparents
Have the money to really be of help
There are so many unfixed broken things in the house
That I should have fixed long ago
I have chronic pain now as never before
The blood pressure the prostate
Will I ever get out of it? I have not been able to yet
I have so many health problems now
Is the skin discoloration cancer?
We may have a visitor who is lost himself and needs help
I do not know how to give
How much of my time will he take?
I do not have the patience for anyone or anything
Please don't bother me but I can't get out of this myself
My wife is disappointed with me
My wife is not that well and I worry about her health
I worry about my children so much I undermine their confidence
So many of our friends are sick and dying
I am already old and only getting older
The next stage is the walker the wheelchair
Will I be surprised and have a stroke
And become the worst kind of burden?
I remember my mother eight years in a wheelchair unable to speak,
We all die and I have not bought a gravesite yet
I am older than I ever pictured myself as being
So many hate us on the basis of their own bigotry stupidity ignorance
there are so many bad people in the world
there is so much hatred
there are so many reasons for despair
there is no end of reasons
I can go on and on and on
The question is not why I despair
But how do I manage most of the time not to?