Pregnancy After Loss (Through The Eyes Of An Angel Mummy) Poem by Rachel Loveday

My Baby bump was beautiful
I loved you from the start
Those comforting kicks to say you're fine
would always melt my heart
 
I'd allow myself to plan ahead
but not for very long
I'd hate myself for doing this
But what if it went wrong?
 
I'd plan to buy your baby things
And brave the shops in town
I'd pick up tiny baby clothes
But quickly put them down
 
I'd envy other mums to be
picturing a baby in the clothes
Proudly draping their bumps with a dress
And the smallest of baby gro's
 
I was so frightened that I'd hurt you
with the simplest of thoughts
I couldn't take the risk i'd buy...
a curse with what I'd bought
 
I'd get mad at people who would say
Lightening won't strike twice
'It struck me hard once before
So save your weak advice'
 
Statistics don't mean anything
when misfortune seeks you out
I've been the ONE in THOUSANDS
The main reason for my doubts
 
I have never felt such sweet relief
when they placed you in my arms
A happy healthy baby girl
Safe and sound from harm
 
How nice it was to finally see
My bump was not on loan
For the first time I believed
I'd take my baby home.

2.11.09