Martin O'Neill

(20-06-1958 / Solihull, Birmingham, England)

Pheromonal Bloke


Average blokes wonder what my secret is
I'm not handsome or a brilliant scientist
But when I start to tell them
They say 'Swivel on this! '
I say
It's in the glint of my smile
The quickness of quip
The laugh in my voice
My shoulderless chip
I'm a Bloke
Pheromonally
Pheromonal Bloke
Yup. That's me.

Women themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They laugh so much
But don't want to touch
My odd asymmetry
When I try to show them
They usually flee
I say
It's in my lunchpack
My bum and my piles
The size of my chutzpah
The depth of my guile
I'm a Bloke
Pheromonally
Pheromonal Bloke
Yup. That's me.


Now you understand
Why my head isn't brown
I don't gossip or bugger about
Or run my mates down
When you see me passing
Go up-wind, not down
I say
It's in the size of my Wheels
The lack of brown hair
The pint in my hand
The fact I'm 'in care'
'Cause I'm a Bloke
Pheromonally
Pheromonal Bloke
Yup. That's me.



(Maya, if you read this I'm not sorry because imitation IS the sincerest form of compliment.)

If you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it - go and have a shower.

Submitted: Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Edited: Wednesday, March 21, 2012

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  • Kevin Patrick (8/2/2012 8:30:00 PM)

    This was a killer work, Maya would be rolling to the coffin if she could see this pleasent and apt equal to her own work. Woman love a man who's funny, its phermons for the honey. (Report) Reply

  • Shadow Girl (3/22/2012 12:23:00 AM)

    haha...i was just gonna say...some maya inspiration here? ? ? ? it REALLY worked...and way funny...liked it.
    -SF (Report) Reply

  • Patti Masterman (3/21/2012 9:03:00 PM)

    Welp, it was a great job first done by Maya (that's Angelou, to you, Sonny-boy, hehe) and this here treatment does full justice, I believe. Though a trip down to the corner drugstore might be next, think I'm just about all out of them
    phenomenal pheromonal thingies..if you know what I mean. (Report) Reply

  • Diane Hine (3/21/2012 8:27:00 PM)

    Thanks Martin! - I did enjoy reading this poem- very much!
    (um-though not to the extent of requiring a shower) (Report) Reply

  • Karen Deeks (3/21/2012 7:24:00 PM)

    Love the connection to Maya Angelous write... Love men and Mommas welfare role. Bingo wings :) (Report) Reply

  • Karen Deeks (3/21/2012 7:23:00 PM)

    Ha ha ha... Ruddy genius... I love the contorted twisted tone and you go fella... Hang on to that pint and be proud that you are who you are.... I hate saying this but kudos poet with no humour bypass :) 10 out of 10 plus a grin. Karen (Report) Reply

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