Parasite Poem by Anthony Viggiano

I just want to feel again,
To see something I claim to enjoy bring joy to my heart,
The sensation you’re supposed to get,
Not just simulate what the feeling is like,
Not pretending that it’s there,
The mask that hides the pain,
It covers it up oh so well,
Nothing can get out or in,
That’s all that my emotions are,
Simulations of what they’re supposed to be,
I’ve lost my ability to feel a while ago,

Desensitized,
Malnourished,
Abused,
On the brink of death,
Those are how my emotions are,
Living a life of absurd negative proportions can do that,
I tried to keep them healthy,
I tried my damnedest,
Though; when the force pushing back on it is stronger than you,
The only thing you can do is push against it,
Push until you break or it loses interest,

It never loses interest,
When one part loses its rush,
Another is more than happy to fill its place for the time being,
Why must humans be such horrid creatures,
I have negative thoughts about most humans,
But I still help them,
I don’t try my hardest to hurt them,
I don’t push them until their will shatters,
I reinforce their will,
So they don’t have to feel the horrid emotions I feel,
So they don’t develop the tendencies I have,
Ones that make you an even bigger outcast,
Ones that produce images into your head that you can’t speak,
I sort of lied,
I do feel,
I feel the fiery pit of hate in my stomach,
The bottomless labyrinth of sorrow in my heart,
As much as I try to make them go away,
They’re a part of me now,
They are what I am,
I am hate,
I am sorrow,
I am Anthony,
The guy who has to try to be happy to be in a somewhat good mood all day,

Alas I lied again,
Forgive my negligence,
I do feel small amounts of sympathy,
And I am happy sometimes,
Not just happy,
But happy,
The raw emotion,
I feel it when I help someone out of a bad situation,
Yes I help people,
I may hate people,
But right from wrong is still a thing,
I don’t blatantly ignore a person if they’re in need,
I know that feeling,
A little too well,
It’s my best friend in a sense,
Loneliness,
It doesn’t judge you,
It just embraces you; till the point you cannot breath,
Then before it kills you,
It stops and lets you live,
It loves you as much as you hate it,
And it wants to keep you,
Without you; loneliness doesn’t live,
It’s not my best friend; it’s a parasite