Pain. Life Happiness. The End Poem by Confusion Undastood

Pain continuously runs through my veins,
Yet i continuously smile through this
continuously laugh for others comfort,
for others enjoyment while I suffer.
And yet, it seems after awhile,
That when I laugh and when I smile.
it eases the pain i feel inside.
Its like a drug and soon i am addicted.
It then becomes so hard to kick this habit
though I try my best it comes back like a rush of adrenaline.

Its like a lost true love that i have never found,
but was close......,
and i threw it away for lust, popularity and 'frenz',
a move which has plagued me,
as it has robbed me of pieces of myself vital for my survival,
but yet i never learn and continuosly give with nothing in return,
Only receiving what had before was slowly, softly killing me.
trying its best to break me down mentally,
to make me sad to make me cry, to make me go crazy or worst of all
to make me follow in footsteps leading down a self-destructive path.
but my inner-me slows me down,
Turning me around i guess to repair myself that i try to destroy.
Showing me that I don't fit into this pack,
that i don't fit in with this life or on this path
And so I turn around and try to rebuild myself.
But as I try it gets harder and harder
and everyone, everything around me
tries to hinder me, hurt me, destroy me,
but I will not allow them.
I will not turn around to have fun for a minute,
Then pain and suffering for a lifetime.