Nothing To Say Poem by Bayan Mirza

There's nothing I should ever say,
Since they won't get it anyway,
It matters not that they never did,
Or if they ever will one day,
             
Not all I've ever said made sense,
Not to mention lacking self confidence,
Even if any of that was to change,
I doubt it would make any difference,
             
But the way it is is the way it should,
For I have no desire to be understood,
And it's not like anyone cared to try,
And it's not like anyone ever could,
             
Why must I try so hard to explain,
If it only inflicts more trouble and pain,
Yet with silence I'd suffer alone in peace,
So i chose to never utter a word again,
             
Whatever you wish to have or see,
I shall become just that, so leave me be,
As long as I earn my sweet piece of mind,
I'll evolve myself to your desired 'me',
             
Down once again these black tunnels I go,
To my darkest corner, my darkest shadow,
There in a shell I'll seal once again,
The unwanted me that must never show,
             
Ah, this nostalgic long forgotten sight,
This numbing cold, this endless night,
This bitter loneliness of mine,
My home of eternal cruel delight,
             
Long ago, in this bottomless hole,
I spent years not known to a soul,
Now to this hole 'I' must return,
So that doll-like me may play its role,
             
A perfect mannequin with a smiling face,
Performing my duties in formal grace,
I shall be, as long as them I please,
And never disappoint or disgrace,
             
So don't come asking if I'm okay,
I'm fine with my heart locked up this way,
Regardless of whether you'd understand,
I will yet have not a word to say.