Nixon's The One! Poem by John F. McCullagh

Though born to a Quaker
Who would use “thee” and “Thou”
Nixon swore like a sea cook
fresh off some garbage scow.

Named for King Richard
Of dubious fame
He too was “deposed”
at the height of his game.

He was great at “red” baiting
and exploiting the scare.
He served on committees
That McCarthy would chair.

He was chosen as backstop
for likeable Ike
When incipient scandal
forced him to the mike.

With wife, Pat, beside him
In her ragged cloth coat,
A cocker spaniel named “Checkers”
Brought sobs to his throat.

When he debated young Jack
He appeared quite Hirsute
Nervous and sweating
in his ill fitting suit.

With a receding hairline,
A ski jump of a nose
and a five O’clock shadow
from the moment he rose.

He lost to a Kennedy
He lost to a Brown
Told the press that no more
would they kick him around

After years spent in exile
He returned to the fray
And defeated a Humphrey
Named Hubert one day.