Never Win Poem by Andrus Cassian

I need the compliments of confidence
for all this negativity is unleashing
the sensitivity within me
so now I draw a bullseye upon my back
'cause the arrow in it is killing me
I guess I am what I think
and I think I am a failure...
...I guess I'm nothing but a failure...
I'm sorry for jumping right into my emotional distress
my emotional regress
but I need to get these things off my chest
For thrice weeks
here it is the end of three weeks
weeks where I've been training to be the best
the best of what I've been instructed to do
the best at what I've been called forward to commence
yet all I have to show for my dedication
yet all I have to show for my determination
are sore muscles, sore bones
busted knees, an arm painted by cuts
and whiny voice in my ear trying to motivate me
while simultaneously bringing down deeper
into a hole I can't get out of
Funny how at one moment I'm awarded a compliment for my accomplishment
to have it taken back and replaced with a choir of thrice insults
They ask for my best
What I give them is my best
but somehow I'm still mediocre at my best
so what is it called when your best isn't good enough
Worst?
So what does that mean
I'm worst at my best
so would that turn around and mean I'm best at my worst
I'll just ask my tears
while I sing softly to myself to calm myself down
while I sing These Walls by Trapt
since that one song knows more than anyone
I've been here too long...I've been here way too long
and I've spent too much time...
I could always listen to the people to tell me
to keep my chin up
I have all my life
for they are the ones who come to my aid when I need help
It's not that I'm too proud to ask for help
just I never have the common sense to accept it
since at the end of the day
everything I come to do, come to face
relies on my decision and precision
but somehow I still seep to the bottom of the heap
like I am the dumpster
and the garbage of the world gets thrown upon me
Lucky me, the guy cursed by the number three
Lucky me...
I can never win...
Everyone, everyone who feels like me
sound a trumpet
grab a trumpet and play along with me