Muah Poem by Nassy Fesharaki

Muah

Once I sat by a lake, pristine
Water was clear, I could see
The bottom or floor
Marbles lived with the leaves
-fallen, sunk and settled, smoothly…
Sky was clear and endless
The mountains were proud with their chest
Having ribs to cover abdomens

Sat, waited for the herds to return
After day in plains
With shepherd
And they ran
Their hooves sang
Their horns swords
Their wool and mohair, hair
Painted their portraits
On canvas in my eyes
I loved dust named 'Doulagh'
When rising with their run and breeze
And or wind…
I saw hands of the sun
Moving up, also down
Fanning dust and clouds
Make colours…

I was child and parrot
Repeated English alphabets
Not knowing what they meant.

I copied my hero,
He came back; of city
Went there to, study…

I knew nothing of:
The colour of skin
Neither of male-female difference
Except parts and actions we saw in animals
The penis, vagina
Bearing child and so on
Being meant daily life…

Wall was for safety
-from wild animals
-the foxes and jackals,
-the wolves and the tigers…
Knew not prison and or jail
No one talked of nations
And claims:
-we are the preferred
-others are none, worthless
-we are God's selected
-here is USA

My toys were my goats, lambs
Loved their hooves on stones
-sound of rocks' music…

Silently saw willow…poetic…
Lowered head, kissed surface
Shy water in return…
-whispered with a shiver.

Loved Hafez and Saadi and Rumi
Could not read any book
Heard them when elderly
Sat and told stories
-read poems of poets
- Khayyam and Baba Taher
-and Faez…
-short poem in four parts
-in two lines
-they were called Robais

Mountains were my friends
-and plains,
-and the farms with trees
-and crops
-and harvest
-and seasons
All of them to people meant live, love.

Never thought of cities
Isfahan and Tehran
Leave alone
Washington and Moscow
To Paris and London, Tokyo
And many others that
I have gone and have seen!
-I'm sorry!

I want my past returned
Want childhood, innocence.

What is use of knowing Grozny?
-meaning filth and dirty
-like Ivan who went killed
-by thousands; round forty
-in city Novgorod
-there I went; I have seen
-visited Kremlin
-fort for rich
-but poor built…

Chechnya has city with same name
-thousands killed; bloodshed
-dirtily and then named…

Went and saw cathedral
-in fact jail, detention
-for leading oppositions
-and women who spoke
-suspected

The leader of mountains
-occupied by Tsar
-named Mansoor
-Peter's wife named Anna
-and Lenin's brother
-and girl who killed herself
-with dull knife
-claiming proudly:
-what is life behind bars?
Spent time over there…
I went and saw, observed
-as I did in Andes, amazons

Am tired of knowing
Am tired of learning
Am tired of sharing
Knowing adds to the pain
-that grows like mushroom…

Tired of tumor
Am dying of cancer…

Peter who is hero
And Nader of Iran
And many similar
Committed the crimes
-in them were their own sons

Oh my lord
Am tired of this life

Hey lady
Hey Muah
Thank you
For your love
Go and milk
Milk your cow
Ignore me
-unless you
-seek sickness
-want torture for yourself
I am not worth your time

For me in pharmacy
There is one medicine
The drug that kills me
Take away sanity…

My heart is blackened
Love is dead…
Hope is killed…
Life amongst these leaders
The bastards whose orders
-tips of pens
Raise walls and add to hate
Means nothing except shame…