Loving You Is Far Too Dangerous Poem by Lonnie Hicks

It came with a hollow crack-
a widening wedge-
the fearful peering
at Hope's Edge;

at the pitifully small;
the fearful offering,
the tiny tiniest etch of a smile;
of the looking away
of the not wanting to see
or relate
to what was happening
when Love's Mote
pushes open

my Hope's creaky door
long closed;
isolated;
remote;

but you with a singe word
siren called
in gauzy white
and my squirreled soul
peered out
from it's bitter cold
trembling
from too much alcohol-infused
tattered dreams
hunched over the checkered table cloth
Desperately Wondering asking
'How can this woman love me.'

Worse;

I knew she did
and that served to coax
my wounded self to unwrap
its bandages in fear and loathing
against my own Terrified Will
which sought the light she was
but fearing fear and dread,
its voice saying
'Don't take the chance;
don't go'

'Opening that door'
the voice said
'might bring her light
but too loose your own dark within,
the dark which shrouds my soul
gnarled there, festering;
mad, wounded blood still seeping,
seething, terrified and terrifying
just inside the door
such that when her innocent light seeks to peak inside;
it will launch out,
strike out and punish something,
and someone for having been imprisoned there.

And I am the one who shackled it
to protect the world from I and it
a shielding from those I love
from my own inner dark self;
I have imprisoned it for years;
until when you came.

You made me open the door a crack then
I knowing the dark one resides just inside
ready to leap from sudden crouch
lashing out to crush your light;
and then the crime would have been done.

Love would, by these lights lay face down;
inside the white chalk outline;
my dark shadow would be
loosed upon the cringing landscape;
nothing gained
a risk for love gone bad.

I cupped your face in my fearful hands
and quietly said,
lying,

'I don't love you; '
saving her life
rather than risk
her soul
dying at my hands.