Looking Closely Poem by Linda Engwall

My heart feels as if it is breaking apart
With the stark realities of my life now
Not ever wanting to look this closely

Approaching the realization that
Brutal honesty rests within myself and
It is where I have been finally lead to

Observing others as I often do
Leads me to my own distraction
Wandering around my life
Projecting outwardly
Requires me to not look within

Just a rouse
Cowardly I must say
Just ask me I can tell you what to do
About your problem
But my own escape me

To look so closely
Putting feelings to what I have experienced
Seems out of the question still

To go down that path once more
Feeling sure that I had dealt with it all
Matured, forgiven, healed
I mean I am a grownup, I survived!

Sins of the past
Inflicted on me have managed
To become my character defects
Fearing the worse
I have not dealt with any of it
Just gotten busy, and forgot about it all

Around and around we go
Passing on our stuff
Except it shows it ugly face
We can never escape ourselves

Somehow knowing instinctively
This is my journey
My lessons to be learned
There will be no short cuts

So all I will ask is please
Let me gain the wisdom
I need to heal my past
Be forgiven for my own sins
And find that beautiful peace
Hidden somewhere inside me