Limericks Poem by Patti Masterman

The Indefinite Article

The noun was long the verb was brief,
It began with a vowel, the surly thief;
The definite article wouldn't suffice-
The grammar police would not be nice-
He definitely needed to turn the new leaf.


Barnacle-Sam

Barnacle-Sam was one hell of a man;
He broke wild horses on the Rio Grande,
He had a skin texture like broken glass,
He caught the horses cause he was fast-
The crustiest cowboy in all of the land.


I'll Send You My Bill

A mechanic on a days trip from Brazil
Ran down a parrot on the crest of a hill
The beak was asunder, horribly rent
The mechanic swore complete recompense
Fine, said the parrot, I'll send you my bill...


Looking for the Man

The dog at the Saloon door, they saw
Who said in shaking voice, so raw
'I'm looking for the man
Down on the Rio Grande-
I'm looking for the man, that shot my paw.'


Daisy Chain

I know I'll never live, to see a thing so ample
Could be construed, to cause an instant trample:
A nudist camp filled up with bathing dames
That swim in tight formation; a daisy chain
Which of the former cause, is one example.


He Employed Me

Had to go out to find me a job,
So the bank, I would not rob:
My supervisor, ever so wise
Used to make me sit on his thighs;
Then we'd have a lengthly hobnob.


There's Another Fine Course

There's another fine course of didactery;
Against which there's no worthwhile phylactery:
It's never too safe, to look up at the sky
Because it could hit you, straight in the eye;
For the bird's are all little flying sh- factories.


The Point

This point is probably over rated,
But it seems some people are fated:
Bob worked the conveyor belt, nine-to-five
But caught in it's rollers, was no more alive,
As they found themselves discombobulated.


When I'm Coffee Deprived

When I'm coffee deprived; it's bad, I know it,
My doofus comes out, I'm bound to show it,
Was trying to favorite that poem for so long;
Hit the wrong button, something went wrong-
Then I added myself as a favorite poet.


Science is Full of So Many Odd Tales

Science is full of many odd tales;
Like the woman, cast on me her spell:
She whipped off her pants,
And we did quite a dance-
For she had an opposable tail.


Obama

The talk of the town's the new Prez
They hang on every word he sez
Though his lineage is historic
And his method, rhetoric
He could do with a stately pince-nez.


Figuring Out Modern Morals

Figuring modern morals is a chasm;
Sometimes puts the brain into spasm:
If nice guys marry the girl who wouldn't,
But spend all their time, with the one who shouldn't-
Does the good girl get the orgasms?


Limerick the Endless Torus

Limerick's the endless torus
Which goes round, never to bore us
For we like to engage
With words wise and sage
But not be a know-it-allsaurus.


The Auto-Erotic Triumvirate

The auto-erotic triumvirate
Was a one-armed pirate;
Just one you see,
All it takes to be
Cause his hand was such a tyrant.


Hickory Dickory Sock

HIckory dickory sock,
A mouse is like a cock;
Attention's paid,
Just to get laid-
And then the flight's ad hoc.


Tu Fu

There was once a wise poet, Tu Fu,
And he lived where the wild things grew;
He liked cups of wine
Made of fruit from the vine-
But lamented, when empty: Too Few!