Letters To Him Poem by Abigail Hauschild

I've written letters to you in my mind
These letters explain everything so beautifully
Making it impossible for you to stay mad or hurt or distant
If you only read them
I justified leaving you
And why Now isn't quite the right time for us yet
I told you how much I treasure our late night conversations
How I loved that I could let my guard down with you
I told you how you can make me laugh
And cry in the very same breath
How you know every side of me the best
But I also told you
I'm afraid you could only love my potential
Could only love who you thought I could be
I told you that I'm not as honest
Or as brave as you think
How I'm more selfish than kind
I told you that you deserve
To have someone love you with their whole heart
How you should get the kind of love people write sappy songs about
I told you I wished I could be your forever love
But I can't promise forever with me
When I don't even know who that is
I don't know who I'll be in the future
Or if you could even love that person at all
I told you I couldn't give a heart
I don't feel as if I own
That doesn't mean I don't love you...
Just that my love isn't whole
It is the only love I know how to give, however
I told you all of this, but only in my mind
So for now I'll hold back these words
I'll look at you and hope
Somehow you could understand
Somehow my silence could show you
Somehow you could read
The letters to you in my mind