Irma Ipswitch Poem by Richard D Remler

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Irma Ipswitch,
As you can see,
Put a mean old
Hex on me.

I su'pose she
Incantated some.
She tied her shoe.
She chewed her gum

And then she waved
Her pencil high,
And a something fierce
Glowed in her eye.

And I popped a pop.
That's all I did.
I guess I
Shoulda
Run and hid.
Quick as wick,
And double-time.
But it
Never ever
Crossed my
Mind.

I guess I
Wasn't
All that nice.
I'm supposing
I was full
Of vice
And all that
Stuff that's
In-between,
Those spiteful
Things
That make
You mean.

I admit,
That I was
Unaware
I'd put
A booger
In her hair.

And I thought she
Smelled like
A sardine,
And looked just like
A lima bean.

I guess
I sort of,
Might have said,
She has a wierd
Banana head,

And every single
Time it snows,
She has a pickle
For a nose.

And what
Am I supposed to say,
When she takes
My thinking
The wrong way.

She'd call it all
A bunch of lies
If I ever did
Apologize.

But oh,
She got me
Good today.
I guess she thought
I had to pay.

I heard it from
A friend of mine,
She'd worked her
Cauldron overtime.

With that eye of newt
And toe of frog -
And the nose hair
From a pollywog.

The tooth of a
Three-Feathered Eel,
And one greasy, black
Banana peel.

And just like that
She whomped me fair.
She drained the color
From my hair.

She took my chin
And made it double,
Into an odd,
Lopsided bubble.

My body quivered,
Trembled through
Shades of purple,
Brown and blue,

Orange, yellow,
Red and green-
All slimy as a
Buggle Bean.

And every eyebrow
That I had
Turned seven extra
Shades of plaid.

She waved her
Wiley hand, and I
Ate myself
A Pflittlefly.

And oh, it tasted
Mighty good,
Not like a fly
That Pflittle's should.

I made an oddly,
Oddish sound,
And then I hop, hop,
Hopped around.

Warts covered up
All my skin.
And oh, I saw
Good Irma grin.

With that glint
Of satisfaction
In her eye,
As good ol' Irma
Walked on by.

So, you be careful.
And beware!
Don't put a booger
In her hair.

Don't say she has
A camel's nose.
And don't you make fun
Of her clothes.

Don't mention she has
Zombie eyes
Don't say they're big
As pizza pies.

Or that her long
And stringy hair
Smells like a
Baboon's underwear.

Don't put spiders
In her lunch,
Or sogg up all
Her Captain Crunch.

I'd be nice,
If I was you.
Might be the best thing
You could do.

Stay as safe as
You can be.
Just look at what
She did to me!



Copyright © MMXIII Richard D. Remler


**A Children's Tale**