Illicit Love In Unalaska Poem by gershon hepner

Illicit Love In Unalaska



When a horny Californian mistress calls
her Unalaskan lover, asking for a date,
the wife should not call the police, but grab his balls
before he goes back to the Lower Forty-Eight.
Harassment in these parts may come from hostile horses,
which law enforcement may decide it has to geld,
but when harassment comes from mistresses, sources
report that such corrective measures are withheld.

Kim Murphy writes about the weekly cop report that is generated when thousands of fisherman descend on Unalaska and Dutch Harbor, in the Aleutians (“Dutch Harbor, Alaska: The police blotter read around the world, ” LA Times, February 5,2009) :

The weekly police blotter that chronicles the bar fights, eagle attacks, yowling foxes, distraught psychics and dockside melees in Dutch Harbor––part of the small city of Unalaska in the Aleutian Islands, about 800 miles southwest of Anchorage in the Bering Sea– has become a must-read all over Alaska and other far-flung parts of the globe….'A woman in California called and asked an officer to tell her husband's Unalaska mistress not to phone their house anymore, ' the blotter reported. Sgt. Jennifer Shockley, a wildlife biologist from Texas who joined the Unalaska police force 11 years ago, is the author of the weekly 'activity report.' 'What you get basically is drinks, drugs and domestic violence. That's pretty much our three Ds, ' said Shockley, who also has served as a Peace Corps volunteer in Cameroon and trained police forces with the United Nations in Kosovo. A slight woman with an easy laugh who manages to look intimidating when she strolls through the local bars in her heavy boots, Shockley has honed the art of understatement in her reports. Take the one about the local bad boys - the bald eagles who lurk on almost every treetop, fence and Dumpster, glaring at passersby. 'Three juvenile boys phoned police and reported they had taken refuge inside a piece of playground equipment because they were in fear of imminent attack by a bald eagle, ' the report read one day last summer. 'The suspect eagle hissed and puffed his chest feathers at the responding officer before flying from the area.' In some blotter items, however, she employs poetic devices. Notice the alliteration: 'A herd of hostile horses harassed a cyclist as he was riding his bike near Morris Cove, ' one said. 'The complainant positively identified the suspect equine. The responding officer informed the cyclist that the stallions might be gelded soon, with resultant decreased testosterone levels and concomitant displays of aggressive behavior.'

2/5/09

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
READ THIS POEM IN OTHER LANGUAGES
Close
Error Success