If I Could Write My Death Poem by Rose Marie Cook

What if I'm not worth saving?
All of these poems could be my death
Beaten down, shot in the head
Cuts on wrists or hanged
Maybe even drugged and raped

If what I write is my death
Then who is to save me?
If I am my own worst enemy
Who is the hero?

Maybe I've done all this before
Now that I've been used, I serve no purpose
Thinking about it now I wonder
How would I write my death?
What would I make myself go through?

Lets start at the begining, parents divorce,
Abuse, scars and secrets locked inside
More pain hidden beneath the surface
Hatred and suffering reflected back to ones own eyes
Marks on my arms, sleepless nights, crying out,
Lies with no truth, broken hearts and false hope
Smiles and laughter to cover up shame and lost dreams
Disappointment is all I'll ever be, painful cries
As it all ends there is no mercy left for me
If I was to write my own death, I would
Make it peaceful, quick and painless but that's not how my life is, is it?

I'm sure my death will be twenty times worse than my life and I won't be able to take it

But then eventually there will be nothingness, and all I'll be is emptiness just a lost memory