I Tell Myself Poem by Lillian Manning

Tears tears down my face.
Gleam and shine so I pretend its a race.
Whichever one falls to the floor the fastest is the best. Just because it left.
Heart ache.
Heart break.
Tired of all this stupid pain.
Did this mean anything to you or was I a game that you tested out but didn't like.
Why can't life be easy.
Why are their bumps in the road.
I dont want to take the hard way.
But some how the hard way became my way.
Why didnt I get a choice.This wasn't supposed to be hard get over.
I was never supposed to cry.
No one warned me that in the end I would want to die.
And tomorrow I have to plaster a smile on my face.
And for what cause?
Simply the fact that I don't want to cause any worry. Smooth out my shirt. Put on my belt.
Checking once and twice.
I hurry and I hurry. Making sure im secure and intact. Positive that I look uncracked. I move on.
No confidence in my steps but then again, there never was.
I seem to be an expert at this faking okay.
Like my usual self every sad feeling trying to pour loose.
Why couldn't we choose happy or sad? Good or bad?
This breakup trying to rip my heart.
I feel like you're stealing back all the happy that you gave me.
I tell my self to calm down.
I tell myself not to mourn the death of this short but meaningful relationship.