I'M Tired Poem by sam gale

'I'm tired' has become my life, a long lost devotion whilst my time slowly ticks on. I don't know where I am going or what I did wrong but my life seems so pointless, yet I'm still here 'strong.' I am a weak pathetic soul, ungrateful and untrue. The way I see it now is that there is nothing you can do. I allow you to live oblivious to my burning pain. Hiding behind my smiles has become an endless game, a losing war that I somehow cannot ignore. Instead of weapons of mass destruction I have a shield of pure deflection, deflection of love and kindness but absorbent of hate and vengeance.
I long for somebody's sanctuary when I sit here alone, I deserve the pain and suffering as it has been so clearly shown. I don't want rescuing but I don't want to do this on my own. My sunshine has turned to rain and my laughs have turned to shame. I try to erase memories like mistakes on a page but they don't fade. Pencil mark in grey that spread like fire wont go like this deathly desire.
Words unjust fill my broken mind and leave me in a war in which the answers I will not find.With this war one shall fall but it's between me so that cannot be, because if one side needs to die then surely that means I will perish no matter who wins or decease. It's a war between two sides of my despairing heart if one side no longer beats the other will no longer exist.
So oh gracious mind, where do I begin to draw the line? I don't see a light at all, all I read is the time that slowly runs out as the days go by although in total honesty that is quite fine as to me it is indeed divine but I look to you for words of wisdom but betrayed with thoughts of misery. I long to see a happy day where love conquers and hate resigns however this is indeed unlikely as it is too late.
Trees die in winter, or do they? No matter the weather the leafs re-climb for spring but my life is not a tree nor a leaf it is the production of 2 adults in the year 96 the year I was conceived and the year I was born. 'What will be the year where my life is torn? ' I long to know, I long to see, I'm tired. I'm tired of being everything I never wanted to be but life goes on whether you're weak or strong, it stops for no one so you had better not take too long to see a light even if it isn't so bright. I don't see the reason to life but I will always try to strive even if I fall weak I will always try to find my peak. I just need to know if it is worth the hassle or if I should just go and disappear but to where I will never know.