Hopelessness Poem by Melissa Robinson

I look in the mirror and my eyes consume me,
I'm lost in a void seeking the person i should be.
I once knew the girl, but she cowered, she ran;
far from this place I've created, far from these destructive hands.

I tread a path that fades to grey,
but I'm so sure I've lost my way.
I beg and i plead; I drop to my knees and pray;
Lord please diminish my misery.

I remember when I was just a little kid,
walkin' down the street and holdin' my mother's hand-
but she's no longer proud of me so alone I stand
glaring at my shattered past wishing so desperately it'd mend.

Failure and disappointment is my most popular trend,
God I am so sorry that I have sinned.
I'm trapped in a maze of sorrow within',
Someone, help me escape this, please make this end.

I ravage my thoughts, time and time again;
contemplating what could be my last suicide attempt.
with a shot glass to my right and a pipe to my lips
I convince myself to give my life another chance.

Then my mind throws to me yet another question,
Doesn't everyone long for a sense of acceptance.?
but I come back with the mere suggestion-
that maybe my wounds won't heal because this pain is destined.

My suffering intensifies and the treachery is relentless;
I writhe inside as i whimsy the thought of being nonexistent.
I try and lose myself in false bliss but all happiness remains fiction,
and the worst part is that I allow my agony to be unwitnessed.

As I inhale what alters my mind-
I mutilate my body with razors and and tell myself that I'm fine.
Blood stains my clothing with the scent of iron
as silent, profound tears, smear my eye liner.

Then once again I stare upon my reflection
and I remember the identity of the girl in the mirror-
So traumatized by terror, of trial and error-
I bound my wounds and walk away as my heart remains dismantled.