God, Please Make Me Feel Beautiful Poem by Sarah Gray

God, Please, Make Me Feel Beautiful

I am sad
I remember feeling sad,
I am lonely
I remember feeling lonely
Wanting the pain to end
Want so much
I remember not wanting my parents
To see me the way that I have become
I remember feeling as if I had someone to love me and care for me,
And that the crying and screaming would end
However, life does not necessarily work the way we want it to,
Does it?

I remember the look on their faces the night they went away.
That look.
I will never really know what they expected of me other than the way that I was.
Never know.
I cannot recall what the last happy memory was.
Cannot recall.
However, I remember having them.
Having them
Now I only remember that my aunt told me that when I was born,
I was unwanted.
I was unwanted.

I am glad.
I do not remember
I feel relieved
I do not have to put up with them.
I hate them with
Their mean looks.
Their deceiving lies.
Their maniacal stories
I do not want to remember
I do not want to remember
I hate them
In addition, I hate remembrance

I think I remember.
I do not want to
Though
I hate those memories
Playing over and over and over
In the VCR in my head.
Rewind, pause, play.
Rewind, pause, play
I hate it; I want to destroy the tapes
And my memories
I hate remembrance.