Fractured Idioms-July 14,2012 Poem by Lonnie Hicks

all agog
A bar which sells only 'agog' and gives you coupons for the ER visit after

burn bridges behind you
Some use this technique to light their way in life

a shoulder to cry on
The ancient Vikings believed that beef shoulders could cure grief

perfect stranger
People who believe that strangers are perfect end up looking for beef shoulders to cry on

fit the bill
Duck getting a nose job

an enfant terrible
A two year old screaming in the supermarket


my feet are killing me
and are never prosecuted for it


rattle sabers
A rattler with fangs the size of a saber

go down in flames
Tripping while carrying the whiskey flambe'

ham it up
Chickens trying to save themselves


I've got to fly
people cannot fly even they keep saying that they need to.

have ants in pants
love-making in the woods

a fly in the ointment
love-making in the woods

pinkie swear
Oath-taking among the immature

I don't bite
A vampire statement just before sucking your blood

kick upstairs
a painful promotion

a rush of blood
blood? What blood?

the birds and the bees
the truth is that birds and bees never, ever marry and procreate

build a better mousetrap
Advocated by mouse number two munching chesse after mouse one disappears

sweep off one's feet
What happens on the dog walk if you don't look down.

from top to toe
Hippie Hairdo

flip off
A particularly warm greeting reserved for politicians

make a point
Ok, but put the knife down first

be up to scratch
An urge best not done at the tea-party

call into question
When the police request your company

What are you drinking?
cause you are acting crazy

First come, first served
Cannibal dining order


sniff at
Male dog greeting for female guests




sling the cat
An ancient Viking game which explains why there are no cats in Norway


snatch from the jaws of victory
When victory continuously overeats

fair sex
There unfair sex and there is..

have nothing on me
Five minues after arriving at the nudist camp

blow the lid off
Bad cooks and hot grease

until the cows come home
This never happens because cows are not allowed in most homes.


Stuff a sock in it!
Means shut up or part of a really bad soup receipe

What's the magic word?
Futile attempt to confuse a robber


take a crack at
Camel toe manuver

make flesh crawl
Flesh like everything else must crawal before walking. NO exceptions

be as dead as a doornail
What is a doornail again?


write up
If a cop says he going to write you up he is not talking about sending you a letter

Mellow out
After your mellow has been harshed, this is welcome relief

a man of few words
Cowboys who only talk to their horses.