Fractured Idioms-8/11/12 Poem by Lonnie Hicks

get the lead out
What happens when one brings a knife to a gun fight

lose touch with reality
What? Reality has been touched? Security!

nothin' to it
Modern paychecks

play devil's advocate
Why do people think that the devil needs a lawyer?

tie in
Bedroom romp for two

be out of one's mind
Say it with me: politicians, bankers and corporations

keep oneself to oneself
Extreme selfishness among schizophrenics

Take the Spear
Javelin-catching while blindfolded-The toughest of all of the Olympic sports

roll with it
What you get with a 'fresh pair of eyes' at good restaurants

swept away
A big broom and tiny Lilliputians

before you know it
Sudden event prior to not knowing

compete in
Typo-switch the 'p' and the 'e' and take out the 't' when women invite one another to the bathroom

sit on hands
Strongly advised for young boys at the prom.

take a gander
Goose theft

watch step
Watches cannot walk. Of that I am sure


be as thin as a rake
Olsen twins on lawn care

in the bull pen
A bad idea for a matador

Give it to me straight
Never say this to a person with a bow and arrow or to one's lover late at night. Never turns out good.

bust one
Luckily I have two

Right on!
Old fashioned expression now only used by baby boomers who have been out drinking all night

strike funny
Children listening to their baby boomer parents use 60's expressions

two hoops and a holler
Looking at the monthly bills

pasties
Cheap breast augmentations

throw for a loss
Politician-tossing is wildly popular and almost always results in a loss of brain function, which is now obvioius among politicians

be on the fritz
Those addicted to carbonated beverages

ruffle feathers
Birds hate this

Hard cheese!
A mouse with no teeth uses this expression often

dangle before
Naked dangling is illegal in 25 states

in his wisdom
Ancient Vikings believed that the brain resided in the back teeth and some people to this day still believe it.


kick up heels
Kick up is a special game for elevating philanders

in the end
Sometimes lovers breaking up will say 'fold this five times and stick it where the sun don't shine meaning…

fluctuate with
I don't want no body fluctuating on me. No sir.

expand on
Sitting on a younger brother until he squeals.

household name
domicile

do the dishes
Sadly many men believe that doing the dishes causes cancer

can't say as I do
Typo-the 'as' is eliminated revealing a phobia many men have

doors open up
3am at the local bar

live high off the hog
And the hogs are really upset about this demanding back rent.

piddle around
Missing at the urinal

a ménage à trios
Refers to all French films

shoot the bull
The act of a desperate matador

What's buzzing'?
Bee greeting