Forgiven Poem by Karen Edwards

Why must I apologize
all the time for everything?
Then sorry, that the word once
again tumbled from my lips.
I dig deep, I scrutinize,
in lament, I truly sing
feeling like a total dunce.

A sense of guilt does eclipse
my every thought and action,
unknown how I got this way
it's frustrating as can be,
when the word unbidden slips,
a natural reaction,
oh, so many times day.

Even I can clearly see
that I need to somehow halt
this long habitual need
ingrained inside my head,
for everything cannot be
my blame, my shame or my fault.
From this curse, I must be freed.

I must strive to somehow shed
my bit of self-betrayal.
I have a right to my opinion,
to my actions, every thought
should not fill me with such dread,
made victim by portrayal
of guilt's inner dominion.

Existence should not be fraught
with uneasiness and fear,
that being is an offense.
Forgive me for I'm breathing,
I say that but I should not,
cringing every time I hear
my sorry verbal nonsense.

Blood boiling I am seething,
righteous anger at myself.
How can I stop this madness,
break away and take control?
Find hope and start believing,
place my guilt upon the shelf
and end this constant sadness.

Absolution is the goal,
at this point, that's a given.
If I'm ever to be free,
from my tired and sorry state,
lift the stain upon my soul,
I need to be forgiven,
by the one and only me.