First Smoke Poem by Evelyn Nec

I had my first smoke
the most amazing thing to do
Between knowing that I had the power
to decide whether I should do it or not
and knowing that it was bad for my health
made me even more excited
as I dragged the tampon-like, smoking stick to my ready lips.
I hesitated to suck it in…
this was a decision I had to make with a sober mind…
like losing respiratory virginity.

I closed my eyes to the waiting looks from my friends.
didn't want their anticipation to cloud my mind.
A gazillion thoughts ran through my skull
but none was strong enough to stop me
save for the sad look in my best-friend's eyes.
Even with my eyes closed, I felt her anguish.
But I had made up my mind.

I'm not a spontaneous person.
For whatever the reason,
I will never do anything without weighing the options.
So I'm pretty much a control freak.
I have lived my life by the book;
following each and every rule to the dot.
So I haven't lived.
I haven't stopped to smell the roses.
It's my turn now to see what life is like
if I lived a little,
if I inhaled.
The only problem is...
I'm asthmatic.