Fartitious Poem by Donna Saphier

Early one morning
I had a nice milk shake
Then an hour later
I was sat on an earthquake

My bum just kept on bubbling
To a stage I couldn't control
Anything and everything
Was coming outta my hole

I tried to keep on chatting
Thinking no-one else could hear
But they kept coming long and fast
And I thought, Oh my dear

I kept laughing louder
Hoping to disguise
I think that people knew I smelt
By looking in my eyes

Farting can be funny
If you all do it together
But when you do it on your own
It really ain't so clever

When I cough, or when I bend
They're really quite tromendous
Cause they're not small and sweet ones
They're really quite horrendous

I don't feel very well
I've got bad pains in my belly
I'm not surprised, the size of these
Some really are quite smelly

I'm gonna stand in the toilet
Until my wind is finished
Cause if I stay here any longer
You all will be diminished

I've been farting all day long
When will this please stop
My belly is so swollen
And I feel I'm gonna pop

If you're out and about farting
Keep a smile upon your face
Cause they'll come out whenever they want
Anytime, anywhere, anyplace.