Ever Decreasing Circles Poem by Sue Stone

My wishes become
ever
decreasing
circles.

Please don't let it be cancer.
Please don't let it have spread.
Please let it be treatable.
Please give him five years
four years
three years
two years
six months?

Let him see the roses this summer
the rhododendron this spring
the early daffodils
fragile snowdrops
tomorrow?

Please let him live longer,
Please let him live without pain,
Please....no distress
Please...no anguish
Please, let him die now.

The essence of you becomes diluted, day by day
and finally I think I am letting go.
A thousand pieces of confetti
taken in the wind, piece by piece.

Grief is SO exhausting.
Each day is now, officially,72 hours.
Wearily I climb these stairs,
and then SUDDENLY, you give me
that look I know.
A turn of your head,
a wink,
and you're back,
just for a moment.

So I step back a little,
then the climb seems so much harder.
You will reach the stair end before me.

The torturous rise and fall,
rise and fall.
Please. No more rise,
only free falling.
The unthinkable thought:
LET HIM DIE THIS SECOND!

Even when my wish is granted
there lies no resolution.
My horizons diminish daily.
My final wish?
Look out for me up there - won't you?
My darling Daddy.