Disarray Of Thoughts Poem by Andrus Cassian

Chaotic peace, I describe it as what I need
my personality conflicts with the balance of nature
There is a clear dividing line between good and bad
but I walk the very fine line lackadaisically because I consist of both
Chaotic peace, the ironic poison keeping me breathing
keeps my mind functioning at full capacity
So what am I thinking now, how am I feeling
I'm thinking of the harmonous song of love, love, love
but in my current state of romantic soul searching fright
concern for a friend seeps in and I pray her tears dry quickly
and I pray someone erases those tears even if I'm not the one to do it
I feel so small like I'm two inches tall
I guess it's one of those days again where I don't matter at all
I don't mind it today although my goal was to reach out and be outgoing
this day, this week, this month, this year
I'd gladly take my seat in the unknown section
with my name engraved on it along with the many years I've spent
if it's the best for me
These feelings are indescribable, difficult to comprehend
well at least I could speak of it
yet I could write endlessly, effortlessly
about a strange world I have no permanent knowledge of
and now I can't help but question what life has in store for me
what in my life is meant for me to pursue gratefully
but I will cross the fateful bridge when I come to it
when I'm lost on a soul searching walk into a distant frame of mind
Chaotic peace...take away the chaos out of the equation
and only an awkward silence remains among an unknown face
Well what's left to say
freedom is scarce now for rules has forbidden movement
though the masses along with myself
are reduced to wishing things could change
How long...how long must we endure this torture
How long...how long are we to be treated like crying infants
Why not just fill the room with gas
quietly putting us to sleep till the day is won