Disapproval Of Self Image Poem by Bianca Edwards

DisaPRoVal of sElf IMaGe
Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Life




I don't really like myself sometimes
And I myself wonder why.
I look in the mirror
I stare into my eyes
I look at my hair and body
And I can look for hours
Trying to look for a change
I think myself as a dead and waiting to bloom flower
To bloom into a stunning and gorgeous viola flower
But I just don't see it blooming.

And when they say, 'wow she's a beautiful young lady.'
I hurry to the mirror trying to catch that beauty that everyone sees- except for me
I guess I got there late,
Because I just see plain old ME
Nothing out of the ordinary

I lay in bed and look up at the ceiling- crying
I ask myself 'why do I feel so miserable'
Is it because my parents are divorced?
Is it because I FEEL alone?
Is it because I'm confused?

I cry because I long to see my future
I long to see what God has in store for me
I just want a hint,
To see who is gonna be there, in my future
Is it a good or bad life God?
I cry because God doesn't always answer my prayers
I cry because God wants me to fight this battle on my own,
But in reality, I feel I can't do it alone
I cry because I feel that I HaTE myself
I HaTE hating myself
Aren't you supposed to be satisfied with how God made you?
So why am I not satisfied?

This world pulls me down little by little
I feel that I carry all my troubles on my back.
And trust me when I tell you that my troubles are many
My life is a marathon
I gotta keep running to win the race
But most of the time I get too tired to run...
So I walk away

I try to get even closer to God
But there's no motivation,
NO example.
I just need a little kick and I'm sure I can make it

I don't think I'm beautiful at all.
The only thing I like about myself is my hair.
My baby pictures are beautiful
I'm not going to lie.
A crescent moon smile and my eyes shone brighter than the sun of happiness
And nowadays, I'm masked with a FAKE smile
I might foul you,
You're probably thinking that I'm always happy
While INSIDE, my ♥ 's smile is upside down
The color of my ♥ turned to dark brown
I'm masked like it's halloween,
So that no one suspects that something's wrong
I cover up so that I feel that I belong

My BOYFRIENd
I don't exactly tell him what I feel
I hesitate because I know he already goes through enough
And that me being away from him is tough
But he's not my problem
He's not in the list of my troubles
He makes me happy
He stole my ♥
One of a kind that mister
Often I get too scared to get close
So that I don't get hurt
I've been hurt by a lot of flirts
And when he says I LovE yOU
The words echo in my brain
And I begin to wonder why he loves me so
I ask he tells
I listen and say ok but I don't know
I still don't know why he ♥ s me,
Other times I feel He doesn't quite know what I feel
So I think he can't relate, But he says he can and I TRUSt him
Most of the time, for him I cry
People have no clue how hard it was to say good-bye
But I love him and always will

My best friend-
I miss her
More like sisters we were
Everyday I wonder what she's doing
Wondering if she thinks of me
Dejavu and premonitions that's all I'm viewing
I cry because I was closest to those two
Closer than anyone knew
And without them I feel lost and confused
Because NO loNGer am I amused

The ONLY happiness that comes to me
Is my GODsoN
HE was the only one I was longing to see
His exquisite smile
And stunning light brown eyes
Shine resplendently every time
God's little angel I call him.

I question if my family really loves me
Cause sometimes I just can't tell
My MoM, My frIEnd
I ♥ her too much
We laugh a lot and bond
Just like a mother and daughter should do
Without my mom I don't know what I would do

People don't know what I go through
The pain and suffering
The insecurities
And people still manage to talk about me
Emotional sickness I call it
I need a prescription
The sickness- when you are looking through magazines
Wishing that the Drop dead gorgeous girl I could be
But I don't think that's gonna happen
This is the DisapRovaL of ME


~ Bianca L. Edwards April,14,2008 AGe 14